Rest, Recover, Revitalize

06/19/2021

As I sit here resting, recharging and revitalizing after a two-year sprint, I am transported back… Two years ago…
Two years ago I was lost…
Two years ago I was afraid…
Two years ago I was living the life the world told me I should want…
Two years ago I was living the life I told myself I always wanted…
Two years ago I was only an empty vessel of WHO I AM…
Two years ago was the beginning of the end of WHO the world knew me to be…
Two years ago I was awakened!

Two years ago, my wife and I went away on a retreat of sorts to calibrate ourselves and our marriage. We booked a weekend at a new “wellness resort” not having a clue what that meant. We both knew something was uniquely different about this getaway. It felt different. We were connected at the soul level. Intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and physically we were one. The depths of our dialogue challenged 20,000 leagues under the sea. We observed, we reflected, we protected and were so connected. The space was safe, calming and energizing.

At this time, I was a couple of years into my mediation practice and was frustrated with the SLOW process I was embarking upon. I seemed to never be able to sit for very long, nor was I able to get “out of my body” in any of my practices except in sensory deprivation tanks. The space that was created with our bond, opened something inside of me. We went to one of the guided meditation and sound healing sessions together. I was hesitant due to my frustration with my own personal practice, but despite my resistance we forged ahead. Only about five minutes into the experience, I was transported away from my body and into my mind and consciousness. What I experienced there is mine, but it opened something inside of me that I am forever grateful.

As we headed back to pick up the kids, Ashley leaned over to me and asked, “How would you feel if you didn’t have to go to the office on Monday?” I was immediately flooded with fear and drowning in doubt. Despite this feeling, I was also hovering on hope. Intrigued, I responded “That’s a loaded question, dear. Please tell me more.” She went on to explain that she believed I had allowed fear to enter my world in a way she had never seen. She told me that I had convinced myself that we needed the success, status, and financial security we had built in my old business, and that every day I remained in it that I was dying a little bit inside. I didn’t see it. I refused to see it. It felt safe, but it was really keeping me stuck. My shame was keeping me stuck. Ashley continued by saying that in the last four years as I had built my speaking and coaching business alongside my other business, that it was clear to her where I needed to be. She told me I was barely scratching the surface of my potential nor was I having the impact on the world I desired on my current path. I had fallen into the seduction of success. I had gotten comfortable. I was bored. I was uninspired.

Ashley threw a dart and hit the bullseye in my soul. It is not lost on me the courage it took her to challenge me to become WHO SHE knew me to be, despite having lost myself. I am forever indebted to this woman for pushing me and giving me the permission to see myself as she saw me. Her courage and conviction allowed me to step into MY truth. To become aware of my blocks and triggers. To own that the narrative I had created for my life and path no longer served me. To unroot the feelings, and beliefs that were keeping me circling the drain to suffering. To embrace the pains required to move into freedom.

The two years that has passed since this time has been a blur. So much has happened to me, my family, my friends, our world, and our collective consciousness. Who knows, maybe someday I will unpack all of that for you, but for now I will keep it brief. I executed the buy/sell in my last business. I doubled down in my new direction. We have been broken and battered. We have learned to love ourselves and each other. We have taken risks to live into our individual and mutual truths. We have progressed, and retreated, but ultimately evolved. We bonded. We have created significant impact in our lives and the lives of many. We found joy, freedom and fulfillment. We have surrendered to the truth that there is no final destination, only constant evolution of self and selves. The darkness of our past can only outshine the brightness of our future if we allow it. The pains of our lives will shape our purpose if we allow it. WHO we are. WHO we truly are is still inside there somewhere. We just need to believe we are still in there and worth fighting for. Sometimes even when we have lost belief in ourselves, those we love are still fighting for us and reach down to lift us up. Thank you, Ashley, for being MY greatest partner, lover, friend, confidant, mentor and coach. Today…
Today I am found…
Today I am convicted…
Today I am living the life I want…
Today I am building the life I never thought was possible…
Today I AM WHO I AM…
Today is the beginning of this next evolution of ME…
Today I remain awake, aware and in awe of how far I have come and how far I will still grow!

Today I am at the same resort that started this journey. I came on a personal retreat to calibrate myself. I had no clue what to expect when I embarked on this getaway yesterday. It’s amazing what can happen in 24 hours of silence and intentional focus. I have observed, reflected, protected and connected with ME. The space has been restful, recharging and revitalizing.

When was the last time you created a space for yourself or your partnership to explore and evolve? Every time I/we do it, it seems we have a quantum leap in some way. Most of the time in ways we never expect. Trust. Surrender. Breathe.

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